"jamb"
or, "fence-sitting on hadrian's wall"
or, "indecisiveness"
--
a narrative in blank and incredibly lazy verse
by gina donahue

------

o muse who art mine in the dawn's fell light
in which the birdies sing their goddamn songs
and lawns are mown by hellish devotees
and cars pull out and run my mailbox down,

this stupid book (which thou shalt never read)
with annotations (parenthetical)
and bitter tears (frustrations still produce)
i dedicate to thee, thou callous bitch.

------

"so there i was completely naked" said
the girl who bore the monstrous stupid hat
upon her head, her hair all tuck'd beneath
its terrifying brim with dangly bling.

"when in came rowdy sailors and a cop
who all in women's clothing did appear
to kit me out, i hoped, in matching garb,
but sadly had some other plans in mind.

since i had partied late into the night
and wasn't feeling altogether well
their hijinks didn't bother me at all
until the morning came and kicked us out."

and as she spun her tale of turpitude
with sundry twists and gales of laughter spark'd,
her voice a hazy mesmerizing thing
became to me in light of what i saw:

a horror far too sharp for gentle eyes
grown used to cleanliness and taken care!
astride the felt and gluestick on her pate
a bug sat noshing old spilt food and drink.

it cleaned its spindly exoskeleton
of excess crumbly bits and sticky goo
then flapped its little stubby mutant wings
and buzzed into the air above the hat.

"o filth!" cried i with overwhelming bile
arisen with my gorge, for that's not all
i saw upon her person, "you must bathe
'cause bugs are making nests inside your clothes!"

"what's that?" she asked, her face up close, concerned
with what she thought to be insanity.
(though i had heard myself completely plain,
a gibber and some blather's all she grokked)

(in fact, should one recount my spoken words,
no matter what i thought i really said,
"gah bloogen fnee sumatra holly ding
gerplunken ipse kumquat" it would be.)

"begone from me, you crazy dirty chick,"
i thought i said in desperation dire,
and as i staggered, trembling, to my feet
to flee, "snorflinken blatt" was all she heard.

so i began to run, to quit that place
as hurriedly as human legs could move,
and monstrous stupid hat-girl got her phone
to call the little men in labcoats white.

i ran outside into the wild world
(polluted air all swimming through my lungs)
and made for sanctuary (namely, car)
past birds and flowers, bugs and dirt and schmutz.

the clean machine (so i had dubbed my car)
a pristine white outside, and white within
to my surprise and nearly fatal woe
bespackled o'er with bird poop had become.